blah blah blah blah aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa mabba dab dab

Behind the Laughter (or the bored eyerolling)

When I have nothing to write about because I never leave the house and Mason hasn't done anything particularily funny or interesting in the past few days and neither have the dogs and the one big thing that's going on I want to save for a big special shiny post* that will leave you reeling in disappointment, I turn to a certain process just so that this thing gets updated more than once every couple of months.

*It will be unfathomably anticlimactic and complete with lots of boring photos that you would promptly delete if they ever landed in your inbox. But only I may delete my blog postings, suckers!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAwhosthalosernowHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I start with a thought and then I take pictures to accompany the thought, and if I think the thought with the pictures would make a funny post, I write one. Like this:

On Saturday I photodocumented the assembly of the Mula I bought for Mason at Ikea. Cuz you know, everyone likes to bond over tales of agonizing frustration that go hand in hand with assembling an Ikea product. The 'need help?' illustration was worth a post alone, I thought.

Uhr? Uh-oh. Hmmmm. Oooh! Hallo?

And then I thought I would pretend to be overwhelmed by the mere sight of 4 screws plus an allen key!! And I could pepper the entry with things like "Four screws and an allen key?!?! MÖRKER FJÄRDEN BÅGVIK!!!" And I would show a picture of the Mula in pieces with the four screws and the allen key.

And then there would be more misadventures in Mula assembling, which there really weren't because it invloved screwing a piece of wood on either end of the toy and putting the rails in holes after I threaded the beads and I just couldn't pretend I was dumb enough to fuck any of that up. And then I would post a picture, ideally of a happy laughing Mason with newly assembled Mula but more realistically an unimpressed/stunned looking Mason with newly assembled Mula and then a sound clip would go off kinda like "WHA WHA WHAAA."

So there you have a rare glimpse into the anatomy of a jemoma entry. And this is the process behind the entries of more blogs than you might think. If you think Wonkette or Lifehacker or Salam Pax or even Boing Boing do it any other way, well then I am probably kidding yourself.

I feel this

Like millions of others around the world, I am touched daily by this endearing comic saga on life.

It's just so damn true.

Snakes on a Plane: So 3 weeks ago.

SNAKES ON A BABY!

Now this is the shit, muthafuckas!

Hello SPENNY!!!

Congratulations Wayne and Kristen!

Spencer was born at 11-ish something or other last night, weighing in at ELEVEN POUNDS FOUR OUNCES!! HELLO Spenny!! Guess Mason won't be able to beat up his cousin after all! He looks absolutely beautiful and healthy as can be! We hear Kristen is doing well, but was last seen just before the anesthetic was wearing off, so we'll see how she's really doing later today! Rest up Kristen, the ride starts, well, now!

The Clutter Nazi

Catriona: Dude. Look at this fucking room. LOOK AT IT!! You're not listening to me. LOOK AT IT NOW!!! That basket is not good enough to hold all your shit. Look at that table. And look at the table over there. Look at it!!! Now look at the table behind you. LOOK!! Are you looking? Look at that other table in your kitchen!! I could throw that whole fucking table in the garbage. You have so much fucking shit in your house it's unbelievable. If I threw what I thought should be garbarge in the garbage, you wouldn't know what to do. You are a packrat.

Me: I am not a packrat! All my stuff has a purpose or a value!

Catriona: NO you ARE a packrat.

Me: No I have a lot of stuff, but it's not packrat stuff, it's all stuff that's important or useful.

Cat: You are a packrat.

Me: No I'm yeah well...uhhh.. you better be quiet... the baby is sleeping.

That's a lotta shit.

Cat: Hey! When did you take that picture of me?

Me: 1 minute ago when I said smile! and then a flash went off.

Cat: What? No seriously, when did you take that picture?

HAHAHAHAHAhowyoufeelingthismorningCat?HAHAHAHAHA